come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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