if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
