I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
