I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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