haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
