i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize