Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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