Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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