A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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