Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
