Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
