I think my vagina is haunted
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
