This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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