I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
