i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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