They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
