I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
