I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize