When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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