He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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