I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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