i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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