Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This baby is an asshole
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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