I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
