No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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