Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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