what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
