Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
