he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize