playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
