I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
