i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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