it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
