Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
