Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
