Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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