i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
