THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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