It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
