Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
