you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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