8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can you bring me the toilet please
Terrible idea I love it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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