he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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