The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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