it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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