i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
