dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
