That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
