Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
