I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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