I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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