More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
