it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
