The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
