I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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