Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will be naked everywhere
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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