Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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