Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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