Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
