If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
