This is not my ceiling
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
