wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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