too bad you live with your parents still
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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