I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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