he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize