Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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