to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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