i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
